Twice Blessed

this is a copy of a note i typed to myself in the hospital. yes i was so on my mac while i was in labor!

checked into the hospital at 8pm. got changed into a gown, filled out paperwork. got an iv and a heartbeat and contraction monitor put on.
dr davis came after 9pm and broke my water. was having minor contractions even before the pitocin, a tad stronger since the pitocin has been
turned on but nothing too bad yet. they are strong for sure but i'm kind of laughing thru them because i know what is coming. it's 5 minutes to 11pm. my nurse's name is kayla and she is amazing. she's funny and caring and i feel
so lucky to be in this hospital. i asked so many questions that spurred from my experience of having dee and this hospital is so different. they are
so into family bonding, even if i have a c-section they will make sure i get to nurse my baby girl right away.

i am scared! but i am much more calm than when i arrived. i can't wait to hold our daughter in my arms. i can't wait for my mom and deepak to meet
her.

****************************************************************************************
my birth story as recalled ten days postpartum.

by midnight the contractions were noticably stronger. i was able to breathe and relax into them. i told myself in 1 hr i would consider the epidural. the contractions were becoming harder. i tried sitting in a chair, rocking my hips, nothing helped. i only found comfort in leaning into amit. 1am passed and the contractions were strong enough for me to get loud. i groaned loudly into them, still putting off the epidural. the external fetal heartbeat monitor wasn't staying on so an internal monitor was placed on sanjana'a head. this part was extremely painful combined with my continuing contractions.

around 2am i decided to give in and have the epidural. the anesthesiologist dr. t was amazing and sweet, even though it took over half an hour to place the epidural. each attempt required another shot of local. i was having strong contractions the entire time. as soon as it was placed, i had a few more contractions and then relief. i went to sleep, i so needed it, i was exhausted. amit took a nap too.

prior to the epi, my cervix was determined to be at only 4cm. we had quite a way to go and it felt like things were progressing so slowly. in the morning kayla came to say her shift was ending and she wished me luck. my new labor nurse was mary. when my cervix was examined at 8:30am by dr. davis he said "good news, you're 8cm" i couldn't believe it, but i also knew it was no guarantee that we'd avoid a c-section. he said i'd need to progress to 10cm by 10:30am. i started to feel pressure on my bottom, the epidural dulled it but it was definitely there.

at 9:20 i was 10cm! mary said it was time to start pushing. she told me to take a quick breath in, push while amit counted to ten, quick breath out, quick breath in an do it again two more times. she said i was moving the baby down the birth canal! i pushed with each contraction, sanjana's heartrate was rising above the desired level. mary went to call dr. davis. she took quite awhile. i was sure they were preparing for a c-section. amit and i continued to work together and he counted and loved me thru each contraction and series of pushes. when mary returned she couldn't believe how much progress we'd made.

dr. davis came and was so excited for us. it seemed like in no time there was a mirror in the room and we could see our daughter's head crowning. it was unbelievable. what i'd wanted for all these years, another child, a vaginal delivery, it was happening. i pushed and pushed until he said with the next contraction not to push. her head was out! he turned her shoulder and i heard him say "can we have a warm blanket?" i knew she was about to be on my tummy! she was fully delivered and placed on me while they cleaned her up. we heard her cry! i was so overwhelmed, it was unbelievable, amazing and has changed my life forever.

her 1 minute apgar was 8 and her 5 minute apgar was 9. when she was wiped off she was placed on my chest and she was just calm and content to be with her mama. i was so full of joy, i still am. she was weighed at 7.3 lbs, 21.5 inches long and a 13.5 inch head. she was beautiful and amazing. she was given a bath and i dressed her in a gown.

shortly after delivery amit went home to get mom and deepak to meet the newest addition to our family.

everyone in the hospital was so positive and supportive. kayla came back that evening and was my postpartum nurse for a short while before she had another laboring mother to attend to. she walked in and said the first thing the head nurse told her when she came in was how everyone was amazed at the successful vbac. everyone was sure i would end up in surgery. kayla called me a rock star-which was great for my ego, lol, other nurses congratulated me on what they called a great accomplishment. it was such a positive experience, i don't ever want to forget how it made me feel. but i want to use the energy in moving forward. i have been so blessed with two amazing children. it truly is overwhelming. my heart could just burst.

somehow the last portion of this vid got cut out, she did it twice but it only shows once!

*from the second paragraph on, this is my birth story as i shared it with an old friend just last month. the next post has a note i actually wrote to myself in the hospital and her birth story in more detail as i wrote it shortly after*

most of you are familiar with deepak's birth story. if not,
the short version is that i had a traumatizing emergency c-section. honestly had it just been a c-section, it would not have been so traumatizing. sure nothing on my birth plan was followed but it was the post-delivery e.coli that caused me so much distress.

anyway, i always knew i wanted a VBAC for subsequent births, i had done research and spoken with the head of ICAN (int'l cesarean awareness network) in los angeles years ago. however, years of failed attempts to conceive had broken my spirit some. when i finally was pregnant, i was so grateful i would have went along with pretty much anything. but when i was about 5/6 months, i knew i would no longer just agree to go along with a repeat c-section. luckily my doctor was on board, despite my narrow pelvis and the other variables that were working against me.

i had to compromise, i was induced 11 days early which i know really knocked my chances. he told me chances were slim that it would be successful. the "rules" require the doc to be within 5 minutes of me thru the entire process so to give me the best chance we did it on the only days he was on call downtown two days in a row. he spent the night at the hospital waiting to see how my labor would progress.

i was induced at 9:30pm and my water was broken. hours later and minimal progress. i checked into the hospital at 8pm after a long day and was so tired. i kept saying i'd have the epi after the next contraction. pitocin contractions suck! they are almost instantly overwhelming. i held out only five hours and then had the epi. i slept for 3 hours which was so wonderful. at 6am i was still only 4cm so it was not looking good for me. and once i hit active labor (it felt pretty freaking active before the epi but wasn't productive) i had to progress a centimeter an hour or i'd have a c-section. at 8am my doc came and said i was 8cm, but i was 7cm with dee so i didn't get my hopes up. if i wan't 10cm by 10am it was over. at 9:20 i was 10cm and i started pushing. the babies heart rate was not where they wanted it and my nurse left to call the doc, i kept pushing while she was gone, about 20 minutes, i knew they were thinking of prepping for a c-section but when she came back with the doctor i had moved sanjana thru me and she was coming. my doctor was so encouraging and wonderful and everyone was so happy for us - they later told us none of the staff thought it would be a successful vbac, i was like famous in the maternity wing lol! sanjana was born on april 15 at 10:24 am, it was sunny and peaceful and so overwhelming. it changed our lives, both amit and i. my mom was at our house with deepak and he left to pick them up.

i asked if i could pee and it was so wonderful to have given birth, have my daughter laid on me, i got to keep her until i was ready for her to be weighed and cleaned up. i got up and walked! i don't know if you know how wonderful that is after last time having a c section and having the first time you even sit up be pain worse than labor was. i took a shower, i walked around, it was wonderful. when she was born i just kept telling her that we did it! we watch her birth video every day now, deepak is really interested. i told him if we have another baby he can be there. it's good he wasn't this time, he was very timid the first few days.

i don't feel i was any less connected to deepak for how he was born but all the pain of that completely washed away with this experience even though i had no expectation of that happening. i was disappointed that i didn't do it drug free but instead choose to hold on to the success of the vbac instead. in the end i was absolutely not relaxing into the contractions and i don't think i would have had the vbac if i had continued as i was. being able to rest made such a big difference in how i felt.

i love telling people i had a vbac, it means so much to me and so many people tried to scare me out of it. i am still in shock and just love thinking of those moments and how it all changed our lives :)

and that's my story!

i owe like nine months of updates here. since my last post i've gone thru an entire pregnancy and now have an 11 week old daughter. the short version is that besides he normal challenges of pregnancy, it was wonderful and healthy. i didn't even gain a pound until the third trimester and gained 17 lbs overall.

i was induced 11 days early, a compromise with my ob who agreed to attempt a vbac with me. my vbac was beautifully successful and sanjana was delivered on april 15, 2008 @ 10:24am. she was 7lbs 3oz, 21.5 inches long. her 1 minute apgar was 8 and her five minute was 9. i was pretty terrified after my first child's birth experience but it was so amazing and wonderful and i couldn't have asked for anything more. and to think i actually thought it might not be possible to love someone as much as i love deepak. it's just twice as intense having two amazing children to love and watch grow.

i thought it would all feel like i was doing it for the first time but it really all comes back to you and it's so much easier this time around......amit is as busy as ever but works from home so i can actually take a shower every morning. cosleeping and breastfeeding are going wonderful, her days and nights have been straight from the get go and we are so in tune to one another. when i read the baby newsletters that talk about not yet understanding your baby's cues i am so happy that i can't relate to that. there are not the late nights of crying experienced with deepak, thank goodness!

we are all so in love with our amazing baby girl. here are some pics of my journey thru pregnancy. will update more soon. love.